- Name: Greg "You're Not Playing Hard Enough if you Can Breathe" Boege
- Name of Crumpet Stick: Masasume (Legendary Japanese Sword).
- Date of Birth: September 18, 1981
- First Played Crumpets: Sometime in 1998
- Favorite Weather Condition for Crumpets: Rain, lots of it. There's nothing like diving head first for a crumpet and sliding for 5 yards.
- Most Overused Technique: Bat throw.
- Most Known For: Being covered in dirt/mud and not being able to breathe during or after a game.
- Little Known Facts: Quite possibly one of the only people to play with a narrow wiffle bat as there weren't enough real crumpet sticks during the first game.
- E-Mail Address: . Don't send him spam or YOU might not be able to breathe after the next crumpets game.